I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
