This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
