i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
