My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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