i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
