Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
