Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
