I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
