I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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