NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
