You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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