Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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