and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
