fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
