sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
