If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
