Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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