I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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