I'm going to jail i love you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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