if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
