mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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