Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I touched a dick in church today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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