btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
