I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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