he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
