Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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