Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
