Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize