She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
