Just fell off a train. Bad.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
