that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
