I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
