I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
