we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
