idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
