i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
