the condom got lost in my hair
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
