We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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