Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize