You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
