So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had sex on a roof
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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