I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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