Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
