I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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