I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
