I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
