I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
why do cheetos always look like penises
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
