he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
