I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
