office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
