wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
