shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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