At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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