I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
