Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
