how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
