this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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