a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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