My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize