so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
