She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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