Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
