Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
