Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
