If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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