I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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