Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
