Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
