Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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