I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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