Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
