It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
