God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
