your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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