you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
