maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
