You're so nebulous sometimes
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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