he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
