I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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