My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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