I love black thongs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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