I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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