who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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